Today held one of those moments, one of those times you realize change is inevitable and so is the discomfort it brings.
Today my babies started kindergarten. There are two babies in our family because they are twins. One is older than the other by only two minutes, but we were still blessed with our second and third child all in one shot.
And after five long years of balancing work and seminary and marriage and motherhood, my babies entered school for seven hour days for five days a week and inevitable change took hold in one moment.
And in that moment, one of them turned to me and said, “Momma, are you going to stay with me?” I held back my tears in front of him, kissed him and his sister briskly on their foreheads, and answered no, but said I would see them in just a few hours.
Change is inevitable, but even when it’s full of joy and blessing and gratitude, it is still terribly difficult.
Because our three children are now in school full time, I am able to go to school full time. That means I have even more to balance for now, but the reward for me is graduation at the end of this school year, a light at the end of a tunnel that has been over a decade long. I will graduate this spring from seminary, given all goes smoothly.
And even with that change—a blessing and tremendous achievement I will be so proud of—I’m left wondering what I will do in all of my “free time” after that. It is as if change slams doors in front of us, closes chapters of our lives we weren’t quite finished with yet. And we fail to realize that with these transitions, God opens doors to new possibilities for us, blessings that would not be possible otherwise. He has to make some room for them first.
When our circumstances remain the same, we can keep them wrapped around us, like protective garments. We know what to expect and when. We go through each day by following routine. We don’t feel we need a whole lot of God’s guidance because the pool we’re jumping into isn’t that deep.
When Jesus walked towards the disciples on the sea, they were terrified. They cried out in fear and wondered who approached. And Jesus’ response was to simply remind them, “It is I.” He reminded them who he is. And because of who he is, he asked them to trust him. “Do not be afraid.” When his disciple, Peter, walked towards him and began to sink, Jesus reached out for him. He caught him. He reminded him to trust. It really is that simple.
In Psalm 105:4, we find a spiritual discipline for each day.
Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually.
There are those moments we realize our discomfort with change because we do not know what God will do in those empty spaces. But with our eyes on Christ’s strength and our feet in God’s presence, we can dive into those pools confidently. Jesus is right beside us.